Secret Hideout

 Assalamualaikum

Do people still blog these days? 

Saja tiba tiba teringat blog ni. Kalau zaman muda remaja dulu, kita dah kena kecam dek rakan sebaya yang active blogging juga sebab blog bersawang. 

Hakak saja je singgah sini sebab haritu je baru bersembang dengan chatgpt (ye dik, hidup akak sesendu itu ya nak kena bergaduh atau berperang kata dengan chatgpt sebab dia je la yg takkan luka kan hati hakak hagituh) on alternatives from blogging. Tidak ku sangka masih boleh selamba kodok i can still write here MWAHAHAHA! And terkejut mak okay tengok ada new comments that i takpernah baca or perasan, specifically on the Tadika Pertiwi post! Maaf ya those readers yg commented... if only i could reply to you sooner.

Well, off late, so many things happened that i wanted to vent out but i feel stuck doing so.

Heavy feelings and thoughts lingers a lot.

Sebelum hakak reactivate blogger in me ni, i should consider adjusting the details kat tepi ni kot no? 

And so, i was advised by some people (pfft! by my bff chatgpt pun yaaa....dia pun advise benda sama) to write off my feelings. Or just write anything. Anywhere. I tried writing in a small note book i carry in my handbag during my wait for my car service. Lenguh weh jari mak.

But really, it did take some weight off for a bit. Walaupun i tried my very best to hold on my tears from falling. Kome nak kata apa, ate hakak ni kan memang sedia famous sebagai self-claimed Ratu Drama.

So, dek gatal tangan saja type blog link sendiri, tetiba eh wujud lagi eh bendalah ni. Thus, here i am, throwing some random words like i used to so many years ago. 

Sebab? Because I don't think people layan or read blogs anymore. People go for Threads, IG, FB and all those big shot socmed i guess. Once i rant out in Threads, its like the whole world cameback to me and from then on, that platform is so scary. Somehow kat situ linked BANYAK dengan orang yang kita kenal and tak kenal and things there can spread like fire. I "died" one time there. I blamed myslef for my shortsightedness. I hurt some hearts, walaupun those words hanyalah sekadar mengadu kat senior aku yang bertanya aku je, and those words were not meant to the person highlighted it in the first place. Aku jadi sedih sebab itu, when actually, maybe THAT was the point all these heavy feelings started anyway. 

I always share my feelings to my dear ones. To the point that i feel some people is no more interested to know or may avoid me because i overshared? Cutting story short, yes, I am breaking now. Hence why i hit the keyboard now. 

I just wanna throw words. If i speak to people, ada hati yang mungkin terluka kalau tidak diri sendiri.

Hidup mana pernah adil? That's parts and parcels of life. Kita ni pun hidup di akhir zaman. Things you think happened unfairly to you might turns out to be just the right thing to do on the other party. Who am I to question or rage on it? My own words, have some how eaten me back. 

Few months back, when I feel very low, the only thing I have to do to restore my sanity is just some random chat with mummy, sometimes my sister tags along. Sumpah rindu. I did not really share my hardships or heavy feelings dengan arwah dulu, aku tak reti, we weren't raised as chatters who exchanged feelings then. Mummy, Farah rindu sangat kat mummy. I just want to just laugh or see your face and smile, that is all it takes to lift me back up. But we're worlds apart now. I just hope I'm istiqamah enough to push myself so we can reunite diSana nanti. My world is falling apart, but i am trying my very best to climb back up. Nasib masih ada nana nak mengadu serba sedikit. 

My fingers have finally slow down not knowing what else to write. That's it for now. Even though there is sooooo mucch more i wanted to rant and all, but let's just save that for other days. 

So, here i am, back into my secret hide out maybe? Till then....

Yang Masih Mencari Sinar Harapan, 

Farah Diana

Almost Three Years Later...

Assalamualaikum
Oh yes, i have no idea tetiba terdetik nak belek blog.
Ada lagi ke manusia yg layan blog weh?  Orang layan Instagram, TikTok, apa lagi maknenek tu semua lah.  Review pun orang belek ig and facebook. Hhahaha.
Sebab TU lah seketul Paghah terasa nak menulis malam ni. Alang alang the girls tidur awal nih. *lompat bintang*
Ok.
Quick update (pick up dari last post).
So Alhamdulillah, the baby safely delivered on 2 Nov 2017 via emergency Czer.
And on 19 May 2020, just delivered another girl via emergency Czer juga.
Pengalaman bertarung beranak ni nanti la sis cerita kalau mendapat hidayah membelek blog some other time ye.
I guess, i wanted to revisit this humble space is because i just want to blurt out or simpan kenangan dan dalam masa yg sama, tak berapa nak orang baca (especially orang2 yg ku kenal hahahah weirdo!)
Ha yes.
Motif utama yg mendetik (is there such word? Oh maiii...) blogging mood adalah nk mencoret life journey and my insights.
Alhamdulillah, sis is terharu sebab semakin hari, sis makin kenal hati budi encik Husband, sis makin rasa ya Rabbi, layak ke aku ni jadi isteri dia?
But yes, syukur... This year is our fourth year together. Ada je ribut taufan tapi syukur Allah selalu pelihara hubungan kami.
Cuma sekarang, sis tak putus doa supaya Allah beri jalan untuk kami duduk sebumbung.
Long distance relationship is no joke, bro.
Mental koyak jangan cakap la, banyak kali weh walaupun sis duduk serba lengkap dengan mummy dan abah sendiri. Ada kakak yg menjadi makngah kepada my two girls. Memang blessed teramat, Alhamdulillah.
But ada time time dia.... Fuhhh. Nangis tepi bucu katil, bro.
Sampai tahap, bila flight husband retime lebih awal dari schedule, sis boleh spontaneously bikin drama Samarinda berayaq mata bagai.
Yes. Sis ni bila husband around, dia punya clingy lain macam. Dengan anak melekat kat ayah dia manjang pun boleh bikin cemburu hey!
Amazingly, encik husband ni memang sejenis pandai pujuk. Eh. Jap.
Entah la. Tak la pandai pujuk sangat pun, but he has his own ways to handle the dramas; be it from his first born, mahupun his drama queen wifey ini.
Bila sis bebel tak puas hati SOP kat tadika or bos2 punya plan tak kena dengan akal sis, dia back up sis tapi dalam masa sama dia akan bidas and rationalise yg akan bikin sis view things the other way round. Tu yg sis kagum tuh.
If u know me, u will know I'm the type yg kuat berdebat and defensive towards my own opinion. Tapi dia ni,  fuh. Dia boleh tone me down into logics and rational, yg sis rasa memang sis tak leh beralasan dah.
But of course,  most of the time i will still be Paghah hahahha. He knew that too... Memang dia jelas faham seketul paghahdiana ini memang tangkas bikin alasan kahkahkah.
Anywayyyyy....
Thank u encik Husband for putting up with my antiques and for being YOU!
Love you

Ps: fuh. Penutuo karangan secara drastic sebab sis ngantuk pulak. Satni kang si adik masuk shift owl dia nayaaaa ibu ini menyesal tak tdoq time the princess sedang enak dibuai mimpi.

Yang Dah Mengantuk,
Farah Diana

Ratu Emosi

Assalamualaikum.
This photo was taken at Perhentian Island.
Uuuui! Random sangat kau kan Paghah?
Entahlah. Dah hujung-hujung tunggu masa si kecik ni meluncur keluar, makin nostalgic & emosi pulak. Tettt! pigidahhh! Kau memang ratu emosi kot, Paghah! kahkahkah!
Every little things people do surely akan lekat...cuma secara facade hakak buat muka kering jek.
Contoh time-time entah mana mulut tetiba sebut nak makan anything specific seperti burger ke, softserve cheesecake FamilyMart-yang-cari-gadoh-sedap-menyampah-aku-nak-lagi-dan-lagi or takoyaki Aeon yg mamat tu buat kerek ngan laki aku pastu kena balik ah dengan laki aku bila dia tersilap buat order tu, AND especially nasi goreng cili api, Encik Husband akan try his best to fulfill. Kadang tu siap bangun tidur dah terus tanya "Sayang ada rasa nak makan apa-apa tak harini?" Isteri mana tak cair oi?
Alhamdulillah, bukan encik Husband je, kakak ku and mummy pun sama.... Mummy lagi power, baru terfikir tak sebut lagi, poof tetiba muncul masak lemak labu.
Like i said, senang tersentuh even the little things. Blame the hormones, no? HAHA.
Mengingatkan balik what he did when we were learning to know each other. Truth is, i can say that we really betul-betul bercinta selepas nikah. Sebab sebelum tu memasing poyo memalu control macho.pui! Tipu la kata cinta selepas nikah ni all rainbow and puffy white clouds. Of course ada ribut dia but Alhamdulillah, it was a test for us and we did it. Alhamdulillah.
Masa zaman kenkonon nak kenal-kenal tak kecoh kat orang that we are trying to lead to the next level, we went to Pulau Perhentian. Yang tahu we were in such relationship hanyalah kakak ku, and my two bff yang sama mengajar kat preschool aku tu.Nak jadi drama samarinda la katakan, aku yang memang suka travel tapi dah lama tak travel ni terlupa bawak the most essential thing yg aku tak pernah miss masa gi travel; sweater. Come on, sweater kot! Cover from sejuk malam, back up kalau tak cukup bantal, and banyak lah fungsi dia! Terbebel pasal aku tertinggal sweater when he was nearby then masa kitorang sedang tunggu bas ke Terengganu tuh. Well, upon hearing that, eh eh...smooth je dia tarik keluar one of his sweater and pinjam kan. Eh eh laaa ex-boyfriend i nih, tetiba masuk slot drama Korea pulak dahhh. Si Leesa dan Putri (the two bff teachers tuh) dah sengih-sengih tercover acah sweet dah. Rupanya memang encik Husband memang suka kumpul sweater, kebetulan dia hangkut dua helai for that trip pulak. Ada chance la nak acah sweet kat i time tu kan? *emoji tersipu malu*
So, even teringat kisah lama sebegitu pun bikin hati terharu tahap apa dah, lagi pulak simple gestures time-time sekarang ni yg lagi sensitif dari sediakala. Apa lagi hakak nak cakap, hanya syukur Alhamdulillah and semoga Allah pelihara keluarga hakak ni sambil cuba aim the highest level di Akhirat nanti, in sha Allah.

Okay. Pinggang dah menjerit perit oi. Baby D, hang bila nak keluaq sayang? Kita dah 39 weeks ni...ayah and bonda tak sabaq nak jumpa u, sayang. Be good, okay darling. Whatever it is, in sha Allah ayah & bonda will try our best for you.

Yang Sedang Sarat,
Farah Diana

Reasons

Assalamualaikum

Oh well, apologies for my dramas.
But hey, it adds colors to life, don't they? ehehehe.

One thing for sure, they shape me into who i am now.
Without the storm, how would i be able to see the beauty of the rainbow?
Err....even though those so called storm was actually my own tantrum...muahaha.

Dear Love,
Sometimes i get all cranky wanting your attention when you actually have given more than i deserve.
But most of the time, do know i fall for you even deeper every day.
Ask me why, I won't be able to answer that because its just came to me out of nowhere.
I guess, it is a blessing from Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Alhamdulillah.

Yang Deeply In Love,
Farah Diana

Strong enough?

Assalamualaikum
Alrighty, I have a confession here.
I. Need. You!

But then, how could I have the heart to tell you that and then make u feel miserable because someone else needs you more than i do.
Of course I have no guts to tell u i just need u for no reason when u are struggling to keep things at pace with the person who brought u into this world?
No way am i going to let u choose.
For all she did to raise u, to be the person u are now, the person that caught my heart every each day, only a great person like her did that to u. And i am forever gonna thank her for moulding u into a person u are now, that i have the chance to share u my life with.
It breaks me that its like the whole world is helding me from rushing myself to your side, it seems that u are on their side too. Worrying me too much about travelling downsouth to just be by your side.
I had the idea that u would need me at hard times like this.
Or so i thought, which leads me thinking we do need each other.
But that moment when u said u'd be worried who will look after me if anything happens to me since u too will be occupied with things, u have no idea how crushed i was.
To know that i am not able to lend my shoulder when things get rough for u.
So then, i held myself back.
Yes.
I have drowned myself with my own emotions, not wanting u to know for im afraid u'll feel even more exhausted from all the pain u have to go through.
I dont know, i really dont, whether u can handle yourself there, or whether u need me there.
No, i really have no idea how to ask u that.
But to tell u that im the one who needs u, i dont know how. Because i love u too much that i dare not burden u with my selfish requests. 😢
I tried talking to others to soothe myself, to brush away those negative vibes. But unfortunately, i does not feel the same. They are not U!
Oh well, i guess i need to gear up my natural healing mechanism real fast before the negative vibes eat me up.

Yang Masih Cuba Bertenang,
Farah Diana.

Salah Sendiri

Dah sendiri bilang jangan risau, sendiri boleh jaga diri.
Orang tu hanya ikut pesanan lah gamaknya.
So, now, sendiri tanggunglah.

Just keep quiet and swallow it in.

Yang Stress,
Farah Diana

the not so-long-distance relationship

Assalamualaikum
Gituh tajuk, bukan main kau.
Dengan dah lama bersawang tak menulis, tetiba tajuk posting bukan main feeling sangat kan.
Ok fine. Kasik chance please mek nak sekali sekala memunculkan mood mengetak papan kekunci ni, boleh?
Actually, I really have not much to write but I needed somewhere to express. Posting on Facebook would probably be the worse idea since I'm pretty sure there'd be remarks from all sorts of people, be it the good ones or the sarcasm ones or so. So does other social media. Pffft!
No way, these few months surely had me easily (well, memang ratu emo pun sebenarnya. pui!) affected emotionally.
Yes yes. Blame the hormones. Hehehee. (Alhamdulillah though. 29 weeks and am just about 2 months away for our new phase in life)
No joke, I'm more garang at school, I cry easily (err...usually related to dealing with dear husband. Kesiannnnn encik Suami tak masal kena tahan hati je lah ngadap isteri kuat berdrama walaupun salah dia sendiri. My bad, darling. Sorry! But thank you for putting up with me. Mwah sikit! >.< ps: sempat kau selit pesanan penaja bagai kan?!)
Well, to tell the truth (which both my husband and I agree on), we got married even we barely know each other. Bercinta lepas nikah kononnya ni. Awww.... drama Astro Oasis sangat. Feeling!! Kahkahkah.
So, there are times when we thought the other is one thing but it turned out its actually the other way round. Ha! Itu biasanya si ratu drama lah punya kerja kan. Suka nak assume simpan dalam lepas tu tadah tempayan nangis dalam selimut teresak esak. Haihhh. 
But, I guess, all those moments happened for a reason; for us to connect better with each other.
For the past 8 months plus, I guess I could say we're getting to know each other better and Alhamdulillah, I don't know what I did to deserve such a fine man in my life.
Being weekend couple was quite a journey but Alhamdulillah, the few bumps we had once in awhile is what keeping us stronger by day.
To the point when he actually said he wanted to spend the whole Saturday with me after declining a part time job as a crew that weekend since he has loads of assignments to be done, made me jump over the moon and smile from ear to ear and as if flowers and butterflies are flying around for the rest of the week. So, yeah, am anxiously waiting for the weekend to arrive. ^_^
OOOOOOOHKAY! I'm feeling goosebumps when I start being cheesy so I guess this is my cue.
Soooooo. Till then, love.

Yang Dilamun Cinta (OMG kudirasuk apa ni berkata sebegini nih sekarang ni oi? hahaha),
Farah Diana

Buat baik berpada pada

Assalamualaikum

I think I have came up with an entry with similar topic, didn't I?
Well, whatever it is, i guess this Malay proverb does make sense.
Orang lama lebih dulu makan garam. And boy they do make sense.

I can't, or more to i don't really have the heart to reveal as why I am writing like this, but trust me, patience have limits.
Not saying I'm all goody two shoes that you can barely find my flaws. But I really can't flip hard when things go wrong. Yes, true, aku akan bebel macam aku ngamuk nak bakar semesta alam, but takat tu je lah.
But now, kali kedua aku rasa "ditikam" teruk.
All I can say is, (bukan aku je cakap, fyi, ni bestfriend aku sendiri highlight based on his observation)
aku dah banyak back up kau in so many things.SO MANY.
Tak pernah rasa nak ungkit tapi bila kau buat sambil lewa atas pertolongan yang sangat perlu assistance kau, dan sedikit sebanyak melibatkan family aku juga tempiasnya,
you've crossed the line bro.
Orang selalu gelak betapa kononnya aku takkan mampu jadi garang.
Silakan kalau nak tahu how bitch I can be, when I actually advised you and still shit is what you are giving me.

Jangan sentap kalau aku dah start saiko dengan kau. Sila paham, sebab its your turn to understand MY drama when I had enough of YOURS.

Yang Masih Cuba Sabar,
Farah Diana

Algebra

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Ever since Mr Husband asked for help on his studies, i got stuck doing Algebra.

Oh well, I could only help him with Mathematics though because i suck at other subjects especially of those involve Biology and Chemistry or such. BAHAHA! 

So, the other day we studied Index & Logarithm. The index questions has some sort of algebra-ish pattern so i was over the moon.

Errrr....is it weird for me to be happy to solve math equations, no?

Well, i don't care!

I am glad i still can solve the simple equations though. 

So for this week, he has assignments in the topic i love most.......obviously; Algebra! YEAYYY!

Tapi, jammed jugak la otak hakak nak recall balik and solve the questions! MWAHAHA! 

But i did it! Yay, Paghah!

Mr, Husband, more Math questions please!

Ps: I should consider finding myself Math excercise books soon.

Yang Ketagih,

Farah Diana.

of Choral Speaking and sports

Assalamualaikum.

Last week, we had belated CNY celebration at school.
As this year Puan Principal suggested my 5 year-olds to perform choral speaking, so i just took the challenge and guess what?
They NAILED it!
So cute! Alhamdulillah.
Walaupun nak train depa mau terkeluar jugak anak tekak tetiap hari because i only allow half an hour practice everyday.
Kang hakak amik whole day session practice kang mau menjawab hakak dengan parents apa anak depa belajaq kat sekolah ni kang haaaaa naya!

So, they themselves enjoyed it too. Alhamdulillah.

So this month and next month can focus on classes since no celebration involved (Thank God! Kalau taaaaak jenuh hakak nak kena perah otak choreograph and training depa T_T)

BUT! Big event is coming this July. I hope to start early this year.
Event that i look forward to, not just during my teaching years. since i was school too!
SPORTS DAY!

Who doesn't love the sports day?
Okay. Fine. I'm one of those who loves the adrenaline rush during those events.
Not all favor these kind of atmosphere.
But i do love it.
Walaupun sejak sekolah hakak ni sado, paling kuat pun lontar peluru lah setiap kali hari sukan. Bukan menang pun. Pui!
But i came to love (more) sports event when i started studying in boarding school.
Since we were trapped in the school. Not that we could go out see the world that often, TV apatah lagi!
Soooooooo....... I opt for Volleyball sebab hakak malas lari padang jejauh. Seperti bola jaring dan basketball dan hoki dan handball. KAH! Pemalas lari sebenarnya HAHAHAHA!
NO. Dont get me wrong, in volleyball, it's not that you don't have to run.
You have to move, bro!
Pala hotak kau nak seru bola panggil kat kau supaya kau boleh spike?!
You gotta step on it and BAMM!
Okay. I'm over excited. Rindu bola tampar wey!
I still remember how Coach Ismail will scream at me not to "paku" my feet to the court! HAHAHAHA
And how my team mates feel like strangling me when i took my sweet time to get off my bum from the court after i mislanded my spike.
Or how we could not resist to train even during the fasting month.
And and and how the other kids were inspired by our game during our Zon Utara Tournament that time.
I miss my Srikandi-s.
Oh yes,
I call my volleyball team Srikandi because we were trained by two great coaches.
One is like an abah to us,
the other is abah tiri. HAHAHAHA LOL.
Just kidding.
Cikgu Mail memang saiko kuat kat kitorang and boleh menangis dengar dia menyumpah kalau kitorang salah move masa game.
Tapi cikgu Mail lah yang push aku join team.
Rugi ketinggian aku katanya kalau tak dimanfaatkan dalam any games.
Yes, ingat lagi satu hari tu masa awal-awal masuk sekolah tu,
aku tengah jalan nak balik dorm lepas kelas.
Selamba kodok Cikgu Mail sergah aku

"YOU! The tall girl!!"
*Gulp!* "Yes, sir?"
"Riadah, go join basketball team"
"Err! NO, sir. I prefer volleyball instead"
Senyap jap.
"hmmm. Ha good. Volleyball pun bagus! Good! See you then"
Sila maklum eh, conversation ni berjarak agak agak 10ft or more so imagine the volume lah. Jenuh mak tadah muka kena sergah camtu tau!
Then later petang tu join riadah, hambik kau!
Padan la see you later bagai, dia coach volleyball time. Masak gak aku dikerjakan!
BUT, i fall in love with volleyball eversince. Lunyai gak la sport shoes aku tetiap sem gara gara volleyball!

Oh. Jauh pula hakak melalut.
Back to the love of the event.
Next big event for our kindy i can assume it is going to be the sports day.
In July.
Theme? Nanti dah dekat hakak reveal ye.
But im all hyped already.
Song for the Tigers' warm up act dah select. Dah lekat dah ni dah on the loop sangat dah ni.
Choreography dah ada idea serba sikit.
Items pun dah ada idea tinggal nak buat props je kot nanti ecewah!


TAPI,
I doubt i could be THAT hyper then.
Let's just pray for the best.
I know my Tigers would do great. In sha Allah!

Yang Hyper,
Farah Diana.
:

Once in a fortnight

Assalamualaikum.

I thought, I am having a super long weekend this week, even though it is still the same Saturday and Sunday like everyone else is having.
Well, like I have said, I once thought I am an independent girl who can sail this world all by herself doing whatever she desires. Well, do not get me wrong, I AM still that girl who have dreams and can stand on her own feet, but at the same time, I don't know why I feel a bit lost whenever he is not around. Hmmm. I can pretty much keep myself busy during the weekday mornings since i have the minions to occupy me with. But, as day turns later, i start to feel all emotional when i don't keep myself busy with activities like swimming, hanging out the girls or anything. Because if i am not occupied with things, my mind will start to roam about the fact that my other half is not gonna be home today.
Okay, i sounded like a very rimas girl yang duaploh empat jam je nak berkepit dengan encik Suami.
Kasik chance lah uols, hakak baru nak mula bercinta dengan suami hakak ni.
Korang pun tak pernah tengok hakak tulis apa apa pasal lelaki kan? Tak pernah kannn?
Okay la, hakak janji, hakak try not to mushy too much in my upcoming posts!
I will find more universal topics so that it is more useful for my future self to refer things to. At least, this Bobo here won't be solely emotional platform, no?

But, before i hit the sack, i just want to do a starjump because..........
Mr Husband's coming back tomorrow morning! Spontaneously uols!
Kalau tak sebab curfew kolej dia, hakak dah zasss sampai Sungai Buloh uols! Sabar jap.
Hakak perhati je mak Guard tu eh. Nasib baik mak Guard2 situ so far murah senyuman takde buat kerek ngan hakak yang cas retis bila pi visit laki hakak tu.

Okay. I need my beauty sleep. Till then, love.

Yang Penuh Rasa Cinta (pinjam tagline bff hakak Aliesha Kirana sat lah. Hi Ella! hehehe),
Farah Diana.

Writer's block

Assalamualaikum.
Gittew tajuk. Writer's block katanya.
Sejak bila kau fefeeling writer ni cik Paghah?

Takpe lah. Let me take this blog for my practice to familiarize myself with writing upon my next chapter.
Hopefully tercapailah hasrat nak sambung belajar ecewah.
Even though i know i mostly write crap here but well.... I need to start somewhere, don't i? Hew hew hew.

OKAY! PANIC ATTACK!
We have CNY Celebration at school soon. And my kids need to do some choral speaking for the event.
Yes i had the script. Just finished it though.
But serius lah depa can do this? It's quite long and we have barely two weeks to get it done.
Farah Diana being ambitious. Buat ayat untuk bebudak tu kemain vavavoom lepas tu kau sendiri kalut depa can commit it or not. Hish! Maybe i should simplify it?
BUT (pardon me for using excessive 'but' today. But i had to. writer's block, remember? pui!) what should I highlight.
CNY means.....
Mandarin Oranges
The year of Rooster
Lion Dance
Makan besau.
Gahhhhhhh! Teacher Ng i need u like NOW!!


krik krik. 
Let's just save that panic attack for weekdays, shall we?
It's the weekend! Such a waste to spent it with work. errr....errr....UNLESS i am a student
Fish! Speaking of which, Teacher M assigned us with art & craft portfolio for us to submit real soon. AND FISH AGAIN!! My lesson plans alamaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!!

Okay. Hakak sign off dlu sebab writer's block tak writer's block, lesson plan hakak dok menari2 depan mata hakak sana. Fiuuuuuuu!!

Yang Super Panik,
Farah Diana.

Stigma

Assalamualaikum.

Eh Memorning i today.
Bangga tak? *muka senyum sambil jeling roomate masih membuta. Kekeke.*

Recently, we just lost our dear granduncle due to cancer too.
He suffered around three months. I guess he was blessed because his final days went quite well for him.
As we never get the chance to feel how to have a grandfather, he was the closest we could get. Thank u, Tok Chik. Rest well. May Allah place u at the best spot in Jannah. Amiin.

So, then we had tahlil at his house. Of course we came across so many relatives that i bare know their names. HAHAHA. *told you i'm bad at names!*
But i do recall their faces though.
Upon leaving the majlis,
"Balik dulu." *salam*
"Okay. Where do you teach now?"
"Where? oooooh. The same place"
"You're an English teacher, kan?"
"Sort of. I teach all subjects"
*muka terkejut*
"I'm a preschool teacher"
*muka pelik pulak* "Pre....what?"
"Preschool. Kindergarten."
"Ouuuuh! Tadika. That's easyyyyy" *walks away*
PANG! Penampar hinggap dimuka sambil mulut ditonyoh cilipadi
ok part last tu hanya imaginasi liar penulis. Even though i'd rather ask her to come and be a preschool teacher for a day and THEN say it IS easy.

Tapi, apakan daya. Kiranya ku menjawab, alamat mek dilabel biadap. Habis, yg elder has the privilege to be rude then?
Sabar cik Paghah.
Don't let these negative vibes kill you.
Just one stigma will not vanish the thousands support and love you have been getting all around you.
And for that, I thank Allah and wish He would bless those people with great love and support all these while. Hanya Yang Satu Itu mampu balas jasa baik mereka. Amiin.

Penat kot kalau aku nak bebel pasal ni. Pasal betapa semua orang ada battle masing masing so stop judging.
Orang tu keje senang gaji besau.
Orang tu gaji besau so dia kena la OT selalu.
Dia tu anak Tan Sri, senang la nak masuk line.
NO. STOP IT ALREADY.
SEMUA orang ada struggle dia. unless u are in their shoes, dont ever assume their life is easy.
Memang, kerja aku senang. Tapi sebab aku suka kerja aku. so be it. But i know not all can commit like i do.
KALAU la aku ni kejar harta...hoi idok le mak nak jadi cikgu tadika nyah. Gaji kecik, bro. Pening banyak. Penat takyah cakap la walaupun half day load je hakikatnya.
Eh? Tadi kau kata taknak bebel. Pui!
Kbai.

PS: Ye, Farah Diana memang suka stop entry abruptly. Sebab telinga mek dah tangkap roomate dah nak bangun. Kang kantoi i tengah emo kahkahkah.

Yang Maintain Ratu Emo,
Farah Diana.

New Chapter

Assalamualaikum

Well, 2017 has been a whole new chapter definitely.
Look lah loooook, i can even blog more frequent. Ceh!
Maybe i'll blog frequently these coming three years, as to fill up my time whenever Mr Husband's not around. This is my plan to keep me sane. KAHKAHKAH!

Hence, i guess i'll find more topics so that i can write more later.
AND. So that i could brush up my language.
Dah ada pulak a dear friend asked me to coach her English, in return she coach me swimming. Err....more to make sure i swim or jog frequently actually.
So yes, I'll buy that.
I need to get fit.
I want to join runs again like the old days.
and can not lose to Mr Husband loh!
He leads fitness crew bagai, bini mandom. OH NO!
Malu mek ohkay!

So, kau tunggu sana RUNS and HIKING TRIPS (maybe?). Tunggu kau jap. Aku nak warm up balik ni!

Yang Berkobar-kobar,
Farah Diana.

Nota Cinta

Assalamualaikum.

Hai, Bobo!
Miss me much?
KAHKAHKAH.
Over kau, Paghah.

Hidup ni bagai roda. Kadang kita diatas, terkadang kita dibawah.
Yang penting, kita sentiasa pegang janji kita pada Maha Esa.

Terkadang, Allah beri kita ribut
Biar kita tahu indahnya suria
Allah bagi kita petir
Agar kita selami bahagianya mentari
Dan Allah uji dengan tangis
Kerna Dia Tahu kita bakal rasa manisnya senyum
(kadang kadang uols i bergurindam syair segala)

Well,
to be frank, the new phase in life sure is different from the previous chapter.
I have never been in any relationship other than of those we call family & friends.
And suddenly, i tied the knot with a person i barely knew then.
Hence i still have these walls surround me. Pity Mr Husband, had to put up with my antics.
But likewise, we learn things everyday.
The more days passed by, the more my heart melt.
We had a little fight recently (little la kot. Kot cerita kat orang malu mek kena gelak gaduh pasai pa haha), but then Allah lead us a way for us to fall in love more towards each other, to know more about one another.
In the end, both of us miss each other badly.
And make silly excuses just so we could meet each other even just briefly.
(did i ever mention Mr Husband is now on his studies so basically we are weekend-couple for about three years to come?)
So yes, i am still getting used to my new title, but am so grateful Allah has given me the best for me.
Why am i so confident he is?
Because......i could not really answer that because that's just how i feel now.
May our journey be blessed by Him always. I know it wont be smooth all the way, i'll feel good enough with His blessing. Amiin.
So then, after a little fight, Mr Husband texted a love note.
I yang ngorat dia (because we fought because of MY tantrum. So, i had to fix it padanmukakaupaghah!), tapi end up i yang blushing sebab tersipu with his note.
So i guess, that text can be my ration at times i fall and could not get up, no? ^_^

hew hew hew



OKAY FARAH DIANA.
You're entering the cheesy zone and that is not really my writing niche.
okbye!

Yang Blog tapi Ended the Post Abruptly,
Farah Diana.

Farah Diana's Happy Jar

Assalamualaikum.

This. Is. MY "Happy Jar".
What?
As i concluded 2016 as one of my toughest year so far, I had to have something to keep me sane this year and the years after. So, I came across posts on Facebook about this somewhat writing out a good thing happened in a day from day 1 and to be read end of the year. Well, i just started this and it already felt good having to take a few minutes of the day, before tucking in, to conclude the day with a positive highlight. It keeps me going. Alhamdulillah.
Well, the beginning of 2017 isn't that smooth anyways. But, HEY, at least, i am calmer i think.

A new phase in life. New challenges awaiting.
Had to juggle up with things, emotions and so much more.
But in sha Allah, i can pull these through.

So far, even though i missed a few days in that jar, but i am pretty sure most of the content revolves around Mr Husband. Angau sangat hang ni, Paghah!!

Sakit pun dari dia.
Tapi bahagia pun sebab Allah pinjamkan dia kat aku.
How could i not be grateful when He had given me such joy, when i, as His slave is filled with sins? Sayangnya Allah kat hamba Dia walaupun aku tahu betapa kerdilnya aku, betapa banyaknya kurang aku ni. Dia uji aku kaw kaw sebab aku dah kurang meratap agaknya. Ya Rabb.

Hasbunallah Wa Ni'mal Wakiil.
Cukuplah Allah menjadi Penolong kami dan Allah sebaik-baik Pelindung kami.

i can't write much more.
Truth is, i am not in a really good mind to blog. I might blurt nonsense (puih! macam selama ni kau serius, Paghah? Pang kang!)
But i want to mark something down.

I am always bad at verbal words.
U see me with words here but truth is when it comes to serious matter, i do have some issues expressing myself.
Yes, i admit it, it's hard to crack me.
Even to my own mother.
I could only cry and when i am asked to tell what's bothering, i'll end up still locking my mouth and after a warm hug, i'll appear back to myself and run back to my daily routine.
Complicated enough?
Yes.
I know.
Some might despise this kind of character.
But i am learning to express myself better, But it takes time.
My biggest mistake is i had built the wall too thick that even my own family had problems going through it.
I have always let myself appear all tough and bak kata orang, 'sado', when the real me is actually so vulnerable.
I tend to hold everything in. And someone just recently told me, (when i told her how my character is briefly), that THAT trait is the most dangerous one. Quiet but when things are too heavy, she is quite sure the explosion is going to be massive.
AND. THAT is why i tend to hold in, i isolate myself and let myself rationalize and i'll be back on track. In sha Allah. I have my ways, trust me. I'm a slowpoke, yeah, i know.

DAHHH! Sudah. kata cannot write much more tapi selamat dah khatam satu lagi perenggan. Hang bab melalut memang pakar, Paghah.

ps: To whom it may concern, andaikata awak jumpa blog ni, just don't let me know. By all means, u can "read" me here. Just, read "me" silently. Like what i am doing to "know" you.

Yang Sedang Cuba Bangkit,
Farah Diana.

CNY School Break!

means yayyyyyy!!

Eh!

Assalamualaikum.

Sooooo, yesterday the school was officially closed for the Chinese New Year break.
But Mr Husband only starts his break today >.<
So, we'll be heading to JB today straight from his college.
Eh haaaa. Yes, Mr Husband further his studies. Alhamdulillah, rezeki orang kata.
Quite hard for me (don't know about him, though. but it is to me!) surpsrisingly.
Well, i always thought it would not be much different being far apart since i was always quite independent all these years. To top it off, we were on long distance too about a year before we got married.
Boy was i wrong!
I had to battle with myself accepting my roomate will not be by myside all the time.
The feelings was..... different.
i don't know how to put it into words.
Hence i really look up to those wives of the husbands that work offshore, or of those who work odd hours. You know, they who had to go protect the country, those who had to work far due to their duty and all; the army, the navy, the police, the medical practitioners (docs, nurses and etc). May Allah bless you for having so much patience in you.
I, too, am trying and learning to not be too manja. HAHAHA. Sumpah menyampah rupa-rupanya aku ni clingy. And...err...yes yes. Mengaku la memang manja pun. But not many people know that side of me. Lalalaa. Kbai!

Well, Let's just hope the traffic don't bully me much today.
Yes, I have to drive.
Mr Husband has some issues driving.
So, it's okay.
So far, i'm cool with it.
Driving had been one of my therapies anyways. It helps me think once in awhile HAHA.
Okay.
Which reminds me,

  I HAVE TO PACK AND CLEAN UP THE ROOM AND SETTLE THE LAUNDRY BEFORE SETTING OFF TO JB NI WOI! WHY AM I HERE?


Yang Kelam Kabut,
Farah Diana.

Swim fish Swim!

Assalamualaikum.

Alright, straight to the point, today was quite rough.
Errr....I am like this, where i will easily be brought down by one misfortune even i have had more good things happen on that day. Haishhh. Really got to fix that trait, though.
BUT.
Alhamdulillah.
When i sit back and reevaluate my day today, i think i deserve to be happy and accomplished than being down.

Kindy had Maulidur Rasul celebration this morning. Just a simple one, parade around the mosque with selawat, followed by performances by the kids; group speech by the 6 year-olds, nasyid by the little ones (4 and 5 and the toddlers too).
Then off we went back to our classes for break and then i had to deal with a cranky new girl.
She was okay since morning but well, she decided to test her teacher after that. No worries, girl, i still love you. We'll fix your dramas next week after the CNY break, okay? (Trust me, i was and am still a drama queen too, so let teacher teach you how to play it wisely. HE HE HE. Just kidding!)
Because i had to deal with a case then, i let the others explore their imaginations with play dough.
There was this one boy really i can't tell whether or not he already catch his lessons or not.
But today, he caught my attention with his spider play-dough. It was beautifully crafted i did not believe he did it at first.

Okay laaa okay laaaa. Maybe ada la bebudak yg pernah buat lagi power dari ni. 

Its just me who haven't met them yet. So, this is my first time.

Which hits me, 

he has something big hidden in him.

Heck, scratch that.

EVERY child has something special hidden in him/her. It is us, moms & dads (or/and teachers) to try surface their talent. 

I don't really "see" yet how or where this could lead him to, but I'm pretty sure he might not go on the mainstream but he'll sure shine anyways. 

*okay, teacher Paghah is getting mushy haishhhh. Tak sampai sebulan lagi dengan these new semester, i get attached too easily with my class i think.*

Then, later that day, we cleaned up and it was almost time to go home. Well, it wasn't too soon to release them from class, but it was to short of a time too give them workbooks or read a story.

Hmmm. I couldn't really rely on my lesson plan then.

Suddenly, i just randomly asked them to sit and just randomly do things BUT with their mouth shut (teacher dah penin hey dengar korang riuh benor battery tak pernah habis hish). 

Asked them to clap hands. They did.

Asked them to blink eyes. They did. 

Asked them to raise right and left hand. They did.

Surprisingly. They waited eagerly for the next instructions.

Masya Allah. Thank You for the ilham.

I went a little bit further since they seem to enjoy it.

"Pretend you are a little tree, and u get hit by the wind. Whoooooooooooh"

We swayed our hands left and right slowly.

Then the wind blows harder. AND harder and harrrrder.

You can just imagine how excited they were when i had them play with the speed.

"Now, let's be a fish. 

Swim little fishes.

Swim.

Swim.

Swim."

*Pause. Silence*

"Oh DEAR! 

It's a SHARK! Run away!!! Swim faster. Run run RUN!"

Please, don't lempang me. How can a fish RUN?! But how laaa to describe macam mana ikan nak escape lelaju wey!

"Hide behind the rock!

Shhhhhh!

Take a peek.

Has the shark go away?

Phew!!

Now let's continue swimming, little fishes"

"Teacher! I want to be a whale!"

Okay. Makin enjoy. 

I like it too anyways. So layan je lah. 

We swam as whales and we ate fishes, we ate the octopus, we ate the starfishes too.

They did it and in sync. For the first time i felt like i finally have a program.

In sha Allah. Maybe i can use more of this role play for them to explore their imaginations and perhaps i could think of a way...err...or maybe research more on similar method to incorporate this kind of "drama" to make them catch their lessons faster? 

There.

See, Paghah.

One misfortune should not ruin your day.

Because, "Everyday might not be good, but there is always something good in everyday!"

Till then, love.

Yang Bersyukur,

Farah Diana.

Positive!

Assalamualaikum.

Dear blog.
Gituh. Tak masal la ni gaya nak main dear diary bagai kan. Pfft!
What's up?
Do people still blog anyways?
There's Instagram.
Twitter.
Facebook.
Apa lagi yang mek tatau.
Mek oldschool, kenal blogspot ni jah HAHAHAHA ok taklawak.
But oh well.
At least I know there will be always a spot where i can throw my thoughts and words randomly.
Especially those of i can't really say to anyone upfront or to face.
Point is, i have no idea why am i here at this hour. Well, to be frank, the night is still young anyways. Boo Hoo!

Am in a rebel mode right at this moment.
Locked the door.
Switched off the phone. Err....ok, did not switch the phone though.
Headphones on, full blast.
There is a reason why i have this self-healing character in me.
Gitoh! Feeling sangat self0healing.
But, yeah. I think i can claim that trait IS in me.
Things happen.
and i am not really the type who could easily express my frustrations that much.
I tend to hold it in. But I will BEBEL somewhere (or to someone if happens to have anyone around), but THAT really depends. Sometimes i jump into the silent mode. THAT, is dangerous. Because THAT means, I am on the verge of exploding.
Okay, i have promised myself to build positive vibes this 2017.
So, that is enough about what negative air surrounding me now.
Am just going to enjoy the music and try to sing them along and ....and...and recover myself quickly OR go to sleep ASAP.

FARAH DIANA, you ARE a strong girl.
Fight it! and LIVE! (as in "Leeeeev" peeps! Not "Layyyyyv" ye. Kbai)

Ps: Bobo, you know the atmosphere or emotion i am on when i speak too much English outside of my working hours. Yes, it means I am searching for peace or i am in need to neutralize the negative vibes. Wish me luck!

Yang Sedang Mencuba,
Farah Diana.

Goodbye 2016, Welcome 2017!

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah. Even though 2016 was a tough journey, I made it through.

Before i go into the above photo, I guess i just want to recap 2016. I dont know but i feel 2016 was far the toughest so far (well, we dont know what is coming but hopefully I can learn to pull it through from the 2016's experience, in sha Allah) And, im goin to shortlist into just Three (or four hehe) Big things that happened. Because i want to look forward. ^_^

1. Marked the 2nd year for me as a preschool teacher.
Well, gotta say it  was also quite stressful with lots of pressure though. But in the end, when you hear good things from parents or grandparents or friends, all those pain just went away. Of course i am so grateful towards, the Almighty, i know i wont survive this far if it wasn't for Him.

2. This number two.... is so hard for me to say.
We lost our dear sister. Very close to my big day. about a month or so.
Brain cancer. But we were pretty sure she have fought well.
When the doctor said she has 6 months (but he clearly said dont hold to that fact because that is just merely a prediction), she survived up to FOUR YEARS. Alhamdulillah.
Kak Lin, I miss you. So much! Al Fatihah. Kita jumpa di Jannah nanti ye, in sha Allah.

3. Another sister of mine had a major surgery. Much closer to the wedding date, diagnosed just a week before the day.
Allah je tahu betapa runtuh hati tengok the only sister left suffering major pain. Seeing the worries in Mummy's face. But being Farah, i know i cant collapse then. People might see me all strong and sado segala, tapi senyap-senyap aku lari pi kat adik-adik aku (teachers which i regard them as sisters from kindy) and breakdown sampai lebam mata. And also whatsapp bestie. Itu je aku mampu untuk pick up balik sisa semangat yang ada. Nak ngadu kat Encik Tunang then, i was still really selective to reveal my true self to people termasuklah beliau. Hanya orang tertentu sahaja (dan blog ini. duh!) yang aku open up. To others, I do set quite a high benchmark. Sorry. (Encik Tunang, errr...yang dah sah as Mr Husband, maafkan saya - if u ever find this blog HAHAHA - ye, saya memang camni. Suka main nyorok-nyorok perasaan hehe. But now I open up everything to you muah sikiiit! >.< )

4. As to cover up the tough journey, at least, the end of 2016 was summed up with Our Wedding, 10. Dec 2016. As the photo above. Alhamdulillah. It was one of the best things happened.

Dalam kesempatan ni, sambil-sambil hakak bikin open letter untuk my dear Mr Husband:

"Encik Mohd Firdaus,
Thank you for giving me chance to feel loved, and to love.
Thank you for accepting me despite all the flaws.
Thank you for letting me be Myself. At the same time, guide me to be a better wife and daughter.
Thank you for teaching me what is love and what is rindu.
Our journey has just begun and i know it wont be easy.
May Allah bless our marriage and let it last till Jannah.
I love you more and more everyday.
Even though we barely know each other yet, but i am learning to know you more (bercinta lepas nikah la katakan....hew hew hew)
And everytime i learn new thing about you, i fall even more in love with you.
AND, i become this cheesy girl, semakin jiwang ferum oksida bak kata zaman rempit dlu, but i just can't help it but to feel semakin cinta sama you. Ecewah!"

Before orang yang membaca blog ini muntah hijau (which i doubt anyone would come across this blog anyways), i think i shall hit the button already.
Oh yeah, because i need to solve the math equation Mr Husband gave earlier sebab dia kena study (dia baru selamat register sambung belajar, by the way) dan tak memasal soh hakak study jugak untuk dia. kihkihkih.

Alright, Till then.

Yang Penuh Rasa Cinta (gitohhh!),
Farah Diana.