Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Strong enough?

Alrighty, I have a confession here.
I. Need. You!

But then, how could I have the heart to tell you that and then make u feel miserable because someone else needs you more than i do.
Of course I have no guts to tell u i just need u for no reason when u are struggling to keep things at pace with the person who brought u into this world?
No way am i going to let u choose.
For all she did to raise u, to be the person u are now, the person that caught my heart every each day, only a great person like her did that to u. And i am forever gonna thank her for moulding u into a person u are now, that i have the chance to share u my life with.
It breaks me that its like the whole world is helding me from rushing myself to your side, it seems that u are on their side too. Worrying me too much about travelling downsouth to just be by your side.
I had the idea that u would need me at hard times like this.
Or so i thought, which leads me thinking we do need each other.
But that moment when u said u'd be worried who will look after me if anything happens to me since u too will be occupied with things, u have no idea how crushed i was.
To know that i am not able to lend my shoulder when things get rough for u.
So then, i held myself back.
I have drowned myself with my own emotions, not wanting u to know for im afraid u'll feel even more exhausted from all the pain u have to go through.
I dont know, i really dont, whether u can handle yourself there, or whether u need me there.
No, i really have no idea how to ask u that.
But to tell u that im the one who needs u, i dont know how. Because i love u too much that i dare not burden u with my selfish requests. 😢
I tried talking to others to soothe myself, to brush away those negative vibes. But unfortunately, i does not feel the same. They are not U!
Oh well, i guess i need to gear up my natural healing mechanism real fast before the negative vibes eat me up.

Yang Masih Cuba Bertenang,
Farah Diana.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Salah Sendiri

Dah sendiri bilang jangan risau, sendiri boleh jaga diri.
Orang tu hanya ikut pesanan lah gamaknya.
So, now, sendiri tanggunglah.

Just keep quiet and swallow it in.

Yang Stress,
Farah Diana

Thursday, August 17, 2017

the not so-long-distance relationship

Gituh tajuk, bukan main kau.
Dengan dah lama bersawang tak menulis, tetiba tajuk posting bukan main feeling sangat kan.
Ok fine. Kasik chance please mek nak sekali sekala memunculkan mood mengetak papan kekunci ni, boleh?
Actually, I really have not much to write but I needed somewhere to express. Posting on Facebook would probably be the worse idea since I'm pretty sure there'd be remarks from all sorts of people, be it the good ones or the sarcasm ones or so. So does other social media. Pffft!
No way, these few months surely had me easily (well, memang ratu emo pun sebenarnya. pui!) affected emotionally.
Yes yes. Blame the hormones. Hehehee. (Alhamdulillah though. 29 weeks and am just about 2 months away for our new phase in life)
No joke, I'm more garang at school, I cry easily (err...usually related to dealing with dear husband. Kesiannnnn encik Suami tak masal kena tahan hati je lah ngadap isteri kuat berdrama walaupun salah dia sendiri. My bad, darling. Sorry! But thank you for putting up with me. Mwah sikit! >.< ps: sempat kau selit pesanan penaja bagai kan?!)
Well, to tell the truth (which both my husband and I agree on), we got married even we barely know each other. Bercinta lepas nikah kononnya ni. Awww.... drama Astro Oasis sangat. Feeling!! Kahkahkah.
So, there are times when we thought the other is one thing but it turned out its actually the other way round. Ha! Itu biasanya si ratu drama lah punya kerja kan. Suka nak assume simpan dalam lepas tu tadah tempayan nangis dalam selimut teresak esak. Haihhh. 
But, I guess, all those moments happened for a reason; for us to connect better with each other.
For the past 8 months plus, I guess I could say we're getting to know each other better and Alhamdulillah, I don't know what I did to deserve such a fine man in my life.
Being weekend couple was quite a journey but Alhamdulillah, the few bumps we had once in awhile is what keeping us stronger by day.
To the point when he actually said he wanted to spend the whole Saturday with me after declining a part time job as a crew that weekend since he has loads of assignments to be done, made me jump over the moon and smile from ear to ear and as if flowers and butterflies are flying around for the rest of the week. So, yeah, am anxiously waiting for the weekend to arrive. ^_^
OOOOOOOHKAY! I'm feeling goosebumps when I start being cheesy so I guess this is my cue.
Soooooo. Till then, love.

Yang Dilamun Cinta (OMG kudirasuk apa ni berkata sebegini nih sekarang ni oi? hahaha),
Farah Diana