Alrighty, I have a confession here.
I. Need. You!
But then, how could I have the heart to tell you that and then make u feel miserable because someone else needs you more than i do.
Of course I have no guts to tell u i just need u for no reason when u are struggling to keep things at pace with the person who brought u into this world?
No way am i going to let u choose.
For all she did to raise u, to be the person u are now, the person that caught my heart every each day, only a great person like her did that to u. And i am forever gonna thank her for moulding u into a person u are now, that i have the chance to share u my life with.
It breaks me that its like the whole world is helding me from rushing myself to your side, it seems that u are on their side too. Worrying me too much about travelling downsouth to just be by your side.
I had the idea that u would need me at hard times like this.
Or so i thought, which leads me thinking we do need each other.
But that moment when u said u'd be worried who will look after me if anything happens to me since u too will be occupied with things, u have no idea how crushed i was.
To know that i am not able to lend my shoulder when things get rough for u.
So then, i held myself back.
I have drowned myself with my own emotions, not wanting u to know for im afraid u'll feel even more exhausted from all the pain u have to go through.
I dont know, i really dont, whether u can handle yourself there, or whether u need me there.
No, i really have no idea how to ask u that.
But to tell u that im the one who needs u, i dont know how. Because i love u too much that i dare not burden u with my selfish requests. 😢
I tried talking to others to soothe myself, to brush away those negative vibes. But unfortunately, i does not feel the same. They are not U!
Oh well, i guess i need to gear up my natural healing mechanism real fast before the negative vibes eat me up.
Yang Masih Cuba Bertenang,