so then i thought i was strong...

lari lari lari aku lari tinggalkan semua ini untuk mencari cari cari ketenangan diri
pergi pergi pergi engkau pergi dari hidupku ini ku tak mahu mahu kau hadir dlm diri ini
keluhan hatiku tak siapa yg tahu ku simpan semua sebak didada biarku yg terluka....

frens come n go. no, this entry isn't about my frens leaving me. not even close, maybe.
im crawling, with smiles on the face. i dont care and have never regret to actually crawl, just that there are things bothering. yes, i thot of having this entry sort of secara metafora, but no, i got it straight. i hurt myself badly. i thot i was strong, very strong to endure it alone (tho obviously i did clearly show that i was then falling apart in the first place) but sitting alone DOES NOT help AT ALL! it just cuts me even deeper. at the moment, i am still building up the strength. i know my frens are all by my side. maybe that's why im in this kind of condition. weak. im weak when im around them. please dont pity me, its just me being me. i cry a lot, i got emotional most of the time, im coward at times, and i do swear a lot(but that does not mean i MEAN it)
regret. something i would never want to turn on. there's no use regretting on things. but i think im just frustrated. i have got the chance but i went and screw things up. at times, im just being strong, but yet, im not as strong. please please please again, dont pity me, it will just make me cry harder. painful. thanks for those with words encouraging me to move on.really appreciate it. and everytime a person leaves those encouraging words, i became weak. then again, in tears. it feels different. very different. its for the future, im totally aware of it. pray for me, frens. i need, really need ur strength. it hurts me so much that i dissappoint the people i love very much. the people who lay their hopes to see me shine. yeah, screwed things up. not the end of the world, i know i can fix it. i just need time to rebuild the strength. gud frens, please dont show too much care for me for im afraid that it'll make me even more depressed to be away. it hurts to see u guys are so much in smiles, though at the same time, im totally proud of u, totally happy for u. it hurts coz i thot i cud've been one of the smiles. owh. im crapping. ignore me please.

owh i hate these feelings lah. really hate it. i will try me best building up the strength and thus do my best for the future; MY future. i wish not to think about this anymore and just move on with the path ahead. luckily ive watched Batman Begins earlier (while writing this entry... and oh, i love it even more than the first time i saw it.hehe) and there's this quote that really caught me. "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up" true enuff. live with it farah. the end.