Stigma

Assalamualaikum.

Eh Memorning i today.
Bangga tak? *muka senyum sambil jeling roomate masih membuta. Kekeke.*

Recently, we just lost our dear granduncle due to cancer too.
He suffered around three months. I guess he was blessed because his final days went quite well for him.
As we never get the chance to feel how to have a grandfather, he was the closest we could get. Thank u, Tok Chik. Rest well. May Allah place u at the best spot in Jannah. Amiin.

So, then we had tahlil at his house. Of course we came across so many relatives that i bare know their names. HAHAHA. *told you i'm bad at names!*
But i do recall their faces though.
Upon leaving the majlis,
"Balik dulu." *salam*
"Okay. Where do you teach now?"
"Where? oooooh. The same place"
"You're an English teacher, kan?"
"Sort of. I teach all subjects"
*muka terkejut*
"I'm a preschool teacher"
*muka pelik pulak* "Pre....what?"
"Preschool. Kindergarten."
"Ouuuuh! Tadika. That's easyyyyy" *walks away*
PANG! Penampar hinggap dimuka sambil mulut ditonyoh cilipadi
ok part last tu hanya imaginasi liar penulis. Even though i'd rather ask her to come and be a preschool teacher for a day and THEN say it IS easy.

Tapi, apakan daya. Kiranya ku menjawab, alamat mek dilabel biadap. Habis, yg elder has the privilege to be rude then?
Sabar cik Paghah.
Don't let these negative vibes kill you.
Just one stigma will not vanish the thousands support and love you have been getting all around you.
And for that, I thank Allah and wish He would bless those people with great love and support all these while. Hanya Yang Satu Itu mampu balas jasa baik mereka. Amiin.

Penat kot kalau aku nak bebel pasal ni. Pasal betapa semua orang ada battle masing masing so stop judging.
Orang tu keje senang gaji besau.
Orang tu gaji besau so dia kena la OT selalu.
Dia tu anak Tan Sri, senang la nak masuk line.
NO. STOP IT ALREADY.
SEMUA orang ada struggle dia. unless u are in their shoes, dont ever assume their life is easy.
Memang, kerja aku senang. Tapi sebab aku suka kerja aku. so be it. But i know not all can commit like i do.
KALAU la aku ni kejar harta...hoi idok le mak nak jadi cikgu tadika nyah. Gaji kecik, bro. Pening banyak. Penat takyah cakap la walaupun half day load je hakikatnya.
Eh? Tadi kau kata taknak bebel. Pui!
Kbai.

PS: Ye, Farah Diana memang suka stop entry abruptly. Sebab telinga mek dah tangkap roomate dah nak bangun. Kang kantoi i tengah emo kahkahkah.

Yang Maintain Ratu Emo,
Farah Diana.

New Chapter

Assalamualaikum

Well, 2017 has been a whole new chapter definitely.
Look lah loooook, i can even blog more frequent. Ceh!
Maybe i'll blog frequently these coming three years, as to fill up my time whenever Mr Husband's not around. This is my plan to keep me sane. KAHKAHKAH!

Hence, i guess i'll find more topics so that i can write more later.
AND. So that i could brush up my language.
Dah ada pulak a dear friend asked me to coach her English, in return she coach me swimming. Err....more to make sure i swim or jog frequently actually.
So yes, I'll buy that.
I need to get fit.
I want to join runs again like the old days.
and can not lose to Mr Husband loh!
He leads fitness crew bagai, bini mandom. OH NO!
Malu mek ohkay!

So, kau tunggu sana RUNS and HIKING TRIPS (maybe?). Tunggu kau jap. Aku nak warm up balik ni!

Yang Berkobar-kobar,
Farah Diana.

Positive!

Assalamualaikum.

Dear blog.
Gituh. Tak masal la ni gaya nak main dear diary bagai kan. Pfft!
What's up?
Do people still blog anyways?
There's Instagram.
Twitter.
Facebook.
Apa lagi yang mek tatau.
Mek oldschool, kenal blogspot ni jah HAHAHAHA ok taklawak.
But oh well.
At least I know there will be always a spot where i can throw my thoughts and words randomly.
Especially those of i can't really say to anyone upfront or to face.
Point is, i have no idea why am i here at this hour. Well, to be frank, the night is still young anyways. Boo Hoo!

Am in a rebel mode right at this moment.
Locked the door.
Switched off the phone. Err....ok, did not switch the phone though.
Headphones on, full blast.
There is a reason why i have this self-healing character in me.
Gitoh! Feeling sangat self0healing.
But, yeah. I think i can claim that trait IS in me.
Things happen.
and i am not really the type who could easily express my frustrations that much.
I tend to hold it in. But I will BEBEL somewhere (or to someone if happens to have anyone around), but THAT really depends. Sometimes i jump into the silent mode. THAT, is dangerous. Because THAT means, I am on the verge of exploding.
Okay, i have promised myself to build positive vibes this 2017.
So, that is enough about what negative air surrounding me now.
Am just going to enjoy the music and try to sing them along and ....and...and recover myself quickly OR go to sleep ASAP.

FARAH DIANA, you ARE a strong girl.
Fight it! and LIVE! (as in "Leeeeev" peeps! Not "Layyyyyv" ye. Kbai)

Ps: Bobo, you know the atmosphere or emotion i am on when i speak too much English outside of my working hours. Yes, it means I am searching for peace or i am in need to neutralize the negative vibes. Wish me luck!

Yang Sedang Mencuba,
Farah Diana.

Goodbye 2016, Welcome 2017!

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah. Even though 2016 was a tough journey, I made it through.

Before i go into the above photo, I guess i just want to recap 2016. I dont know but i feel 2016 was far the toughest so far (well, we dont know what is coming but hopefully I can learn to pull it through from the 2016's experience, in sha Allah) And, im goin to shortlist into just Three (or four hehe) Big things that happened. Because i want to look forward. ^_^

1. Marked the 2nd year for me as a preschool teacher.
Well, gotta say it  was also quite stressful with lots of pressure though. But in the end, when you hear good things from parents or grandparents or friends, all those pain just went away. Of course i am so grateful towards, the Almighty, i know i wont survive this far if it wasn't for Him.

2. This number two.... is so hard for me to say.
We lost our dear sister. Very close to my big day. about a month or so.
Brain cancer. But we were pretty sure she have fought well.
When the doctor said she has 6 months (but he clearly said dont hold to that fact because that is just merely a prediction), she survived up to FOUR YEARS. Alhamdulillah.
Kak Lin, I miss you. So much! Al Fatihah. Kita jumpa di Jannah nanti ye, in sha Allah.

3. Another sister of mine had a major surgery. Much closer to the wedding date, diagnosed just a week before the day.
Allah je tahu betapa runtuh hati tengok the only sister left suffering major pain. Seeing the worries in Mummy's face. But being Farah, i know i cant collapse then. People might see me all strong and sado segala, tapi senyap-senyap aku lari pi kat adik-adik aku (teachers which i regard them as sisters from kindy) and breakdown sampai lebam mata. And also whatsapp bestie. Itu je aku mampu untuk pick up balik sisa semangat yang ada. Nak ngadu kat Encik Tunang then, i was still really selective to reveal my true self to people termasuklah beliau. Hanya orang tertentu sahaja (dan blog ini. duh!) yang aku open up. To others, I do set quite a high benchmark. Sorry. (Encik Tunang, errr...yang dah sah as Mr Husband, maafkan saya - if u ever find this blog HAHAHA - ye, saya memang camni. Suka main nyorok-nyorok perasaan hehe. But now I open up everything to you muah sikiiit! >.< )

4. As to cover up the tough journey, at least, the end of 2016 was summed up with Our Wedding, 10. Dec 2016. As the photo above. Alhamdulillah. It was one of the best things happened.

Dalam kesempatan ni, sambil-sambil hakak bikin open letter untuk my dear Mr Husband:

"Encik Mohd Firdaus,
Thank you for giving me chance to feel loved, and to love.
Thank you for accepting me despite all the flaws.
Thank you for letting me be Myself. At the same time, guide me to be a better wife and daughter.
Thank you for teaching me what is love and what is rindu.
Our journey has just begun and i know it wont be easy.
May Allah bless our marriage and let it last till Jannah.
I love you more and more everyday.
Even though we barely know each other yet, but i am learning to know you more (bercinta lepas nikah la katakan....hew hew hew)
And everytime i learn new thing about you, i fall even more in love with you.
AND, i become this cheesy girl, semakin jiwang ferum oksida bak kata zaman rempit dlu, but i just can't help it but to feel semakin cinta sama you. Ecewah!"

Before orang yang membaca blog ini muntah hijau (which i doubt anyone would come across this blog anyways), i think i shall hit the button already.
Oh yeah, because i need to solve the math equation Mr Husband gave earlier sebab dia kena study (dia baru selamat register sambung belajar, by the way) dan tak memasal soh hakak study jugak untuk dia. kihkihkih.

Alright, Till then.

Yang Penuh Rasa Cinta (gitohhh!),
Farah Diana.

Chin up!

Assalamualaikum
Okay. I am really glad that no one really read my blog hahahahahha.
Senang mak nak curhat sini kihkihkih.
Because i really want to express words but every single channel, ada je la tukang bertenggek. Haihh!
Sini jangan kacau please. Baca ke tak ke...diam je. Kbai.

Am i having my mid-life crisis now? Dah tua kot mid life jadahnya? Grrr!
I love teaching. Or wait. Let me rephrase that, i love being a preschool teacher. But truth is, i am not really confident with myself. Besides, the economic atmosphere is also not helping either.
I am slowly getting demotivated, tired, exhausted.
I feel bad.
Super bad.
I owe those kids a lot. I wanted to make it up this year, but i seem to underperform...again. *sigh!*
I am trying hard to pull myself back up, to fight for it this time.
Why is it so hard?
Until yesterday, when mummy wished congrats to my sis for her achievement on Guru Prestasi Cemerlang with a beautiful set of words about being a teacher.

Okay. See?
I know i can do this.
Whenever i feel stuck, i will write crap and pull myself to be back on track.

Someone is really doing his best to spend the rest of his life with me, and i simply give up mine?
Come on, Farah Diana, you are much better than this.

Dear Mr. P,
IF. I say, IF (sebab saya tak rasa awak akan pernah terjebak layan blog saya ni pun muahahaha), you ever find this post,
Ketahuilah bahawasanya selain  Yang Satu, Mummy dan keluarga saya, setiap hari semangat saya semakin pulih hanya kerana terharu dengan usaha awak. Thank you. May Allah bless you dunia dan akhirat.
Ok.
Tett. I am starting to sound cheesy. Sangat not me HAHAHAH.
Keep it to yourself, Farah.

Sebelum aku makin menjadi jadi kekaratan jiwa, baik aku log off. Pfft!

Yang Jiwang Sekali Sekala,
Farah Diana.

Blog? Apa tu?

Assalamualaikum people.

It is amazing i still realize i have a blog.
And.
Still feel like writing.
Haha.

Well, do people still blog these days?
And do people even read blogs anyway?
Okay.
For those who still do (write), may i know why do u still doing it?
Just curious anyway.
Does people blog for the same reason as i do; to share thoughts regardless anyone reading & to simply throw some words for own future reference?
Hmmm.

Ok. This post seem to have so many questions and i doubt anyone ever bother to answer me hahahahha.
Oh well. I'll just continue writing whenever i feel like to. Not gonna bother anyone, no? 😊

Yang Penuh Persoalan,
Farah Diana.

Assalamualaikum.

Yahooo! Even though the my wash-off time is not that long after all, but at least i can say that im partly cured.
Gituh! Cured katakau! Macam dah kronik disease kann! Hahahaha
Memang ah kronik, bila emosi kau asyik tergugat je gara gara media sosial tu. Tak habis habis nak bikin assumption lepas tu sendiri gigit jari emo lapan tingkat.
Baiklah, sekurang kurangnya sekarang aku mampu kawal diri untuk tapis emosi sendiri. Gituh.
Tahniah, cik Paghah!  😂
I miss those days where resources were not on fingertips, thus the authenticity and the level of kepolosan of the informations can be trusted more.
Oh well, life goes on, though. i had to do what i had to do. So, be it.

Yang Fefeeling Accomplished,
Farah Diana.

Wash it Off!

Photocredits: Konah

Assalamualaikum.

Oh well.
Perhaps, i came to my sense where i am addicted to that social platform we call facebook, no?
To say it does not generate positive vibes thoughout these years would be unfair, though. But right at this moment, I somehow noticed that I have been badly influenced, and it is depleting my brain in rationalize things. Thus, good bye, Facebook! You'll be missed!
I really do have to undergo this "treatment", until i can calm down and put things in order professionally. And after I can differentiate what is real and not. AND after I repair my relationship with The One And Only.
Yes.
That's it.
Got it!
Really.
I have been astray for too long that my spiritual activities have been neglected for quite some time.
Shame on YOU, Farah!

There. Did I just made a confession?

Yes I did.

And I hope I am given the chance to put myself back on track. In Sha Allah.
Amiin

Yang Perlu Bertenang,
Farah Diana MH.

Kaya?

Assalamualaikum

Satu je aku nak cakap.
Kalau pasal kaya miskin dan wang ringgit (dan "kisah silam tuuu"), jangan buat lawak pasal benda-benda tu dengan aku.
AKU la...dengan orang lain terpulang lah aku tak halang pun.
Tapi dengan AKU, lagi lagi lawak kenkonon tu mengkaitkan aku dengan harta dan status dunia tu, harap maaf, sumpah aku tak boleh bertolak ansur.
Minta maaf sensangat sebab memang seminggu emosi aku akan terganggu kalau "lawak" berkaitan benda benda yang aku sebut tadi dituju kat aku. (tambah tambah kalau tersilap timing. merasa lah)

And I have made it clear, i despise money as goal in life.
Susah nak faham bahawa duit tu bukan keutamaan aku?
Bukan sebab aku kaya (dont go there. lagi teruk aku ngamok nanti!!)
Sebab as far as i respect your battle, dont come and test me with mine. You had no idea how being in my shoes was and obviously i had no idea how in yours were too.
Nak aku cerita dah berapa lama aku tak shopping bebetul untuk diri aku?
Nak aku bukak cerita kenapa aku dah lama tahan diri dari travel jejauh walaupun passport aku masih valid lagi 3 tahun?
Nak kena announce ke saban hari aku perah otak pikir camne nak survive financially in today's crazy world?
Perlu aku war warkan kadang kadang tengah malam aku breakdown lap airmata macam hujan tetiba dan end up memujuk diri sendiri sebab aku kena kuat dan kena berdiri atas kaki sendiri?

TAK.
Sebab aku tau, orang lain pun ada masalah sendiri.
Orang lain pun ada struggle dia.
Orang lain pun ada emosi dia.
Tapi at one point, bila ada yang tak mampu faham common sense sebegitu terhadap aku, i cant help it but breakdown jugak.
But then again, being me, aku akan breakdown sorang diri dan pujuk diri sendiri.

Alhamdulillah, aku memang tak pernah rasa susah dari segi wang sejak kecik.
Bukan sebab keluarga aku kaya atau kerja aku hebat gaji kepuk kepuk.
Tapi sebab priority bukan wang ringgit, dan priority bukan wang ringgit tu bukan sebab senang nak dapat duit...tapi sebab there other things in life yang lebih utama buat aku (and my family in sha Allah)

Kau cuba hadap berita time bomb yang doktor kasi terhadap kakak kau.
Dan kau cuba hadap berita sebegitu berulang kali.
Rasa macam pasir kat tekak.
Tapi aku yakin Allah ada. Dan perancangan Dia adalah yang terbaik.

Aku mohon. Please. PLEASE jangan buat lawak pasal kaya miskin dengan aku.
Sensitif.


Sebabkan harta dunia, ada keluarga berpecah belah.
Sebabkan harta dunia, kawan boleh jadi lawan
Sebabkan harta dunia, AKU diperbodoh.
Ye, sebab aku memang bodoh.
Maka, maafkan lah aku.
Maafkan aku sebab memang susah untuk aku bina balik semangat yang runtuh akibat harta dunia ni.
Dan bila dalam masa beberapa saat je aku dilabel tak peduli harta sebab harta aku ni segunung, memang terima kasih sangat sebab semangat yang bertahun aku kumpul balik tu runtuh balik.

Yang Sedang Breakdown,
Farah Diana

Lesson Learnt?

Assalamualaikum

Today, one of the girls opened her friend's bag to find a toy of her friend's.
Well, they are used to sharing so i dont mind that. But nevertheless, i still had to remind her not to open other people's bag without permission (because i told them many times not to do so).
Then suddenly, another girl interrupted,
"Remember the other day, when ******* took S****'s pony without permission, she had to sit at the corner alone. You do not want to do that, right?" She said to her friend that i was talking to.
So indeed, i realized they also learn from things i made their friends do for their misbehaviour.
So i guess, i have to think of more "cute & beautiful" "punishments" for them as i do not want them to feel terrified, i just want them to know and learn what is good and what is not. After aĺl, they are still in a journey of discovering life, how would they know what is right or wrong if not us; the adults, telling them so, no?  Thus, i do not wish them to learn the hard and painful way like i had to when i am an adult (hahahahha. #deep)
Let the good memories teach them how to live appropriately.

Yang Berkobar tapi macam nak demam,
Farah Diana

Breath in, Breath out.

Assalamualaikum.

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home"

Ya Arhamar Rahimin.
Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

Wake up, Farah.
Welcome to the real world.
You should've get used to multiple pressure at a time, shouldn't you?

Yang Super Stress (oooooh i really hate to use that S word but that's the only word best describe me at the moment),
Farah Diana.

Menelan Pasir

Assalamualaikum

Selamat Hari Raya semua!
Am enjoying the raya is it what i am told to do so after a month of fasting.

Luaran,
Hanya gelak tawa, senyum sedaya dimaniskan,
Hakikatnya,
Sedang memendam rasa.
Rasa risau
Takut
Sedih pun ada sikit.
Yang mana dikumpul dan disimpul menjadi sakit.
Sudah tak ketahuan kemana haluan nak diadudomba
Tak tahu dimana mahu diluah rasa.
Aku begini, hanya berniat untuk menjadi insan yang Allah redha
Ku tahan diri kerna kita tiada sebarang ikatan
Kalau diturut hati, barangkali hati orang tua tersentuh
Tapi
Aku sampai kini taktahu hati sana
Yang aku tahu hati sini saban hari memujuk diri

Sebarang usaha aku, tidak akan aku biarkan hati sana tahu
Sebab itu ikhtiar aku, mengirimkan sedaya kudrat melalui Sang Pencipta
Kerna aku percaya, Dia Lebih Tahu
Kerna hanya Dia tempat aku bergantung sehingga nyawaku di panggil kembali

Ya Allah,
Apa sekalipun yang mendatang
Aku berharap Kau bantulah aku menjaga hati ini
Kerna aku bukan sang nujum, yang mampu menebak isi hati sana
Aku hanya mampu cuba menjaga hubungan aku dan Kau agar kelak apa pun yang mendatang,
Hati ini tak seremuk kehilangan suatu masa dahulu


Yang Pasrah Menelan Pasir,
Farah Diana

Bila nak level up cik Paghah?

Assalamualaikum

Sorry people, kemungkinan besar blog ni akan banyak dilambakkan dengan post emosi belaka sehingga lah aku benar benar move on kot.
Tak. Bukan putus cinta.
Serius.
Bukan putus cinta.
Sahabat karib aku akan tahu faktor yang boleh bikin Farah Diana breakdown sangat teruk.

Baiklah.
Walau macamana sekalipun, aku akan cuba singkirkan sikit demi sedikit faktor kakisan itu.
Bermula dengan burn away all related items.
Sebab aku baru sedar, bila masa aku duduk sorang mengemas apa yang patut kat kamar ni (tu dia, dok tak duduk kau guna istilah kamar. bajet klasik uols!), bila terserempak dengan barang atau dokument yang mengkaitkan "faktor" hitam tu, aku akan terduduk dan breakdown. Boleh menangis teruk kadang kadang (be informed, sejak "dibuang" - jangan tanya dibuang siapa or apa, kang aku ngamok serupa ghimau kang! - hati aku memang kering. Minta maaf pada yang berkenaan kalau ada terkena tempias hati kering aku. Untung kalau kau masih dalam radar treatment yang sopan dari aku. sekian! )

In sha Allah, moga episode itu menjadi pelantar yang menjadi pemangkin masa depan yang cemerlang, moga menjadi pencuci dosa kecil yang silam.
Walaupun kadang kadang tangan jari mulut ni lancang sahaja nak jerit segala yang dah terjadi, tapi barangkali Allah masih sayang aku, Dia kunci niat aku tu semua sebagai niat sahaja, supaya aku tak jadi manusia keji di dunia ini barangkali.

Wallahualam. Semua benda terjadi atas hikmah yang tersendiri.
Aku sendiri yang belum bukak mata betul betul lagi. Astaghfirullahalazim.


Yang Sesak Dada,
Farah Diana

Mummy & Abah

Assalamualaikum.

Today, the after the second half for today's session, i seek help from Mdm Principal to help me teach the kids solat. Well, pardon me for not being able to master the skills of teaching solat the  proper way just yet. Sobs.
Memang, kita orang tua ni tahu solat tapi tak semua tahu cara nak ajar anak anak kecil solat.
In sha Allah, teacher Paghah dah belajar sikit sikit how to teach little angels how to solat.

But as i always said, being the kindy teacher, i learned much more than what i give them.
As for today, during the lesson, Mdm Principal cerita sedikit sebanyak tentang solat itself.
And after solat, about doa kepada ibu bapa.
Hati aku tersentuh.

"Kenapa kita kena doakan ibu bapa kita?
Sebab ibu bapa kita dah banyaaaak bersusah payah untuk kita.
Our mummy carried us for NINE months in her tummy, wherever she goes, she brings us along.
When we came into this world as a little baby, we dont know how to walk, how to talk, 
so mummy & daddy took care of us, feed us milk, made sure we are always clean & healthy, play with us, worry about us if we are sick, work everyday to buy us toys & books.
If mummy & daddy are sick, how are they going to work & take care of us?
Thaaat is why, we always have to doa for our mummy & daddy,
Ya Allah, sihatkan ibu dan ayah, panjangkanlah umur mereka, ampunkanlah dosa mereka"

Diam! Aku malas crop gambor ni! Besides that, i miss kak lin's glow. 

Lepas tentang solat, Mdm Principal cerita tentang Nabi Muhammad saw pulak.

Siapa ayah baginda. Siapa ibu baginda.

Peribadi Rasulullah itu yang sayaaaang semua orang walaupun tiada ayah & ibu.

Sekali lagi aku sebak.

"Kasihan Nabi Muhammad, baginda kecil kecil lagi ayah & ibu baginda dah meninggal. Cuba kalau mummy & daddy kita meninggal, sedih tak?"

Sebak tetiba. Teingat mummy abah kat rumah *ehem. dah tak paham paham lagik? ratu drama memang camtu ye dok?*

tapi cara penyampaian Mdm Principal sangat la deep tusuk jantung aku.

Dalam diam, aku rasa amazed on how she narrated the lesson. Ajar solat je, tapi the beauty of the connections yang pada aku selama ni aku tak berapa nampak cara nak reach the kids heart through the lessons.

Balik rumah pula, di kala sedang menatap pc sambung setelkan soalan soalan exam anak anak,

ter tengok pula video rakan share tentang appreciating our parents while they're alive.

DAH! Sapa pulak potong bawang sebelah aku ni? Shuh Shuh!!

Thank u, Mdm Principal for enlightening me.

Thank u mummy & abah, Farah loves the both of you so much!
Even though i always tease mummy in the mornings, even though i always laugh at abah's silly ways of babysitting his grandson, even though i did not practice architecture and do whatever according to my own mood, i always have the both of you in my heart.

May Allah always protect you, Keeps you safe in His blessings. Amiin

Yang Touching,

Farah Diana

Susah Menyusahkan

Assalamualaikum.

Ok quick one sebab mek banyak benor kerja nya.
Hah ye, cikgu tadika keje apa sangat after school ye dok?
Demi menabung sesuap KFC, cikgu tadika ni bukan semata mata mengajar anak anak lima tahun je ye Bobo, harap maklum.


5 years ago, aku pernah keluar statement ini pada sahabat karib aku:
"Kalau bukan sesama kawan, siapa lagi yang nak sama sama susah menyusahkan?"
True?
Ada yang sependapat dengan aku? Angkat tangan lekas!
After five years, many things happened, aku fikir aku patut highlight quote itu dengan lebih jelas.
Susah menyusahkan.
Yang aku maksudkan, sama sama. Sama jugak la erti dengan peribahasa berat sama dipikul ringan sama dijinjing.
Tapi kalau dah terus terusan menyusahkan, lepas tu time kita susah....krik krik!
Maaf, kalau kau kenal aku luar dalam, benar benar kenal aku, kau akan tahu aku bukan jenis berkira. Aku tak kisah bersusah kalau dah sayang (hamboi Jijah, asal aku sebut sayang kau pikir pakwe je ye Jijah! Sayang dalam erti tak kira la kawan ke family ke jiran ke).
Semampu mana aku boleh tolong, aku hulurkan. Tak mampu fizikal, aku support secara mental (hew hew hew.... saiko is my middle name kengkadang uols!)

Tapi.............
Mummy pernah bilang, buat baik berpada pada, Farah.


Sebak.
Kalau aku cerita, short-circuit karang keyboard aku ni.

Aku tahu, no one reads this blog anymore. Sebab tu aku berani lempar cerita disini.
Sebab aku ambil masa lama nak move on.
Aku sedih.
Ye, sedikit sebanyak, life tahun ni makin banyak buat aku makin mara ke depan.
Tapi kadang kadang time rehat seorang diri, kisah lama suka nak buat montaj dalam kepala hotak aku.

Kalau boleh delete part ada mereka itu, aku delete dah.
Tapi aku tahu, Allah uji setaraf dengan kemampuan kita.
Maafkan aku, sebab kadang kadang airmata ni tak tahan tumpah jugak.
Sebab aku seorang yang treasure sahabat sahabat aku sedalam nya.
Walaupun aku diam tak bertegur sapa sangat, tapi kalau ada jodoh bertemu, aku lompat bintang dalam hati. Kalau dapat tahu kawan susah hati, aku lah orang yang kalut emosi.

Sedih.
Bilamana niat baik kita akhirnya bagai mengalir dalam longkang.
Dituduh mengelak, langsung kita yang dilihat sebagai watak antagonis.
Bagaikan kita yang tiada usaha menjaga silaturrahim yang terbina.
Bilamana kita bagai terbang dilangit berkongsi cerita indah mereka, tapi tidak pernah sekali ditanya impian kita yang buat kita gembira.
Tak. Tak pernah.
Bagi kau, impian aku adalah kegembiraan kau. Benar.
Tapi, bukan itu sahaja, sahabat.
Seperti kau, impian aku juga banyak.
Maafkan aku, aku tak mampu nak terus tampung sendiri hati ini, sedangkan kau juga tak rasa nak tampung hati aku yang macam kaca ni kan?

Selain sedih,
perlu tak aku bilang aku marah?
Sebab ratu drama selalunya aku, tapi bila kau main kata dengan skrip drama swasta kau, aku jadi tawar.
Jangan sebut tentang persahabatan kalau kau sendiri tak ada usaha nak perbaik keadaan.
Diam sediam diam nya.
Sudah, kau jangan nak kata aku / kami pun tak ada usaha sebegitu.
Kisah nya, kau yang diam. And you play the guessing game yourselves.
Kami ada ajak bertembung mata, tapi kau DIAM.
Dan sekarang, kau jangan berani bersuara di telinga aku dah. Sebab aku dah DIAM jugak.
Guard up, no way i'm gonna let it down anymore.
Aku tak bangga bergaduh, tapi ye, aku pernah berselisih besar dengan sahabat karib aku.
Tapi yang membezakan dia & aku dengan kau adalah kami cari jalan bersuara.
Kalau kau pilih untuk diam dan make assumptions, be my guest. I choose to play that game, mute for good.

Sekian.

Yang Tak Kuasa Dah Nak Bagi Muka,
Farah Diana.

Perhentian Mei 2015

Ada orang baca ke weh?
Nak menulis detail tapi mengantuk tak sudah.

Apa pun, puas hati tapi ada something tak complete lagi
Hew hew hew. Sebab ada misi aku tak terlaksana gara-gara aku sendiri tak reti execute plan B bila ada reschedule of program. Sedih betul kau ni, Paghah!

Whatever it is,
Thank you Allah!
Like He Said,
Setiap kesusahan itu didatangkan dengan kemudahan.
If we dont meet the wrong people, we might not stumble upon the great right ones.
If we dont trip, we might not appreciate what leisure is.
If we dont go through the darkness, we might not treasure the beauty of light.
If we dont shiver throughout the cold, we might not be grateful for the warmth of the heat.

Alhamdulillah, Allah temukan lagi dengan manusia yang hebat hebat.
Yang penuh sopan menghargai susah senang dan memudahkan perjalanan.

Eh. Kau bukan bilang kau mengantuk tadi ka, cik Paghah?

FINE!

Ok, sebelum log off,
ingat beberapa pesanan ini:

1. Jangan buat kerja putar alam dalam mencari rezeki, dik. Allah Murka. Tak tenang hidup kau nanti. Akak doa moga perjalanan kau diberkati, dik, dengan syarat adik kembali ke jalan yang Allah redha, ye dik?
2. Bersabar dalam segala hal. Dan bersangka baik dengan percaturan Allah. Dia lebih tahu mekanisma alam dan manusia.
3. Berani kerana benar. Fight for your right.
4. Setiap detik kita, Allah uji. Itu tanda Dia sayangkan kita. Treasure every hardship because sweet candy will wait at the finishing line.
5. Setiap perbuatan kita, tak di dunia, di akhirat kita dapat bahagian. Baik ataupun buruk, janji Allah itu Pasti!

Sekian.
Yang Kadang kadang Blur,
Farah Diana.

Janji?

Assalamualaikum.
Went for a simple hiking at Gasing Hill today. A very fast one due to some miscommunication. But, nevermind, it was one good one though since we get to experience the route we havent gone through before this.
It was quite a long time ago since the last time I've been there though, thus cant really recognise the track anymore hahahahahampeh!!

I guess, this is the only remedy i can get for the time being.

Randomly speaking, i sometimes would take some silly vow to myself to prove myself so and so.
For example, i once vowed not to take any artificial sugar ever again in my diet plan, health reasons, or so i said. Yes, i managed to keep it for quite some time. and did t know since when i started adding back those sugar in my drinks. haha
Oh. there's another one where i made myself 'invisible' from the online presence for a few days just because i was shutting down for God knows what. Well i succeeded then, sebab berapa hari je 'puasa online' tuh hahaha.

And just recently, i promised myself something again. I guess i could say one huge one because it involves my  passion in my life; travel & outdoor.
I promised to finish off my remaining travel & outdoor activity plans, and no more plans afterwards, to give way for another huge plan (which i shall remain low on that for the time being).
Yeah, i dont know whether i could call myself frequent traveller or not, since i have only been to just a few places to date.
But.....
could i really stick to this?
for how long can i really pull these?
surrounded by people who loooove travelling to has already burn my heart, with those invites of camping trips, hiking trips, etc. I feel like my heart is about to explode just any second!!

Saya mahu pergi ke hutan sedalam dalam hutan itu untuk mencari secebis harapan.
Saya terlalu ingin menggulung kain baju sumbat dalam beg dan menapak merujuk peta mencari arah tujuan.
Saya mahu tersangat perasaan teruja menunggu saat si kapal besi atau si lipan beroda itu berlepas merentas benua atau desa.
Mahu semahunya.
Masih bolehkah saya teruskan kemahuan keinginan itu sedangkan bagai ada pagar menahan jalan itu masih menunggu kuncinya dilerai?

Wallahualam. Moga Allah bantu pilih jalan yg bakal bikin semua hati terlindung dari fitnah dunia. Amiin.

Yang Menahan Kepecahan Hati,
Farah Diana.

Bertabahlah!

Salam.

Nak menulis.

Dan ye, mood menulis suka datang di kala ketika sedang gigih nak menghadap drawing atau lain lain tugasan khas yang memerlukan perhatian yang teliti.

By the time selesai tugas, mood blogging dah lesap atau idea dah melayang.

FINE!

last last aku golek cam panda ni......... T_T

Sekian.

Yang Benar benar ting tong,

Farah Diana.

You're Awesome!

Assalamualaikum!

Struggle.
Every single day i had these butterflies in my tummy. Wondering will i be able to teach those little khalifahs?
Whether they get bored of my presentations?
Whether they look forward to learn new things at school every day?
Or whether this teacher is teaching things they already know well?

Yesterday, a girl from the class came to me when i was busy giving works to her friends.
"Teacher Farah..."
"Yes, Alveena?"
"Teacher, you're awesome!"
Terkedu sekejap. I thought i heard it wrong.
"Come again, sayang? What was it?"
"You're awesome, teacher Farah!"

Masha Allah, oh anak!
Setahu aku, nama je ada degree, tapi aku tak pernah tahu macam mana nak kenalkan dunia dan isi kandungannya kepada makhluk kecil yang suci, yang full of curiosity , like i was back then.
I know ABC, 123 & Alif Ba Ta, but how do i teach them to know those too?
Clueless. Jujurnya, this teacher memang agak blank.

But just with that simple words by a dear student, i felt like i really have to work harder for them.
Because the impact was just....speechless. Rasa nak terbang, rasa ringan dalam pada masa sama, rasa masih tak cukup effort dicurahkan untuk anak anak itu, puuuun mereka dah rasa awesome sangat.
Walaupun hakikatnya aku sedar, this teacher is very lacking of lots of things. still. Masih banyak yang teacher had to install inside otak teacher ni because this teacher was trained to design & build buildings but she refused to put her heart into it (or maybe she was too scared to handle it).
This teacher was lost in her path somehow.
But Alhamdulillah, Allah masih sayang agaknya. Diberi Nya cabaran baru.
It is as tough as other jobs i have done, sometimes i feel like it's even tougher.
But at the end of the day, ada satu rasa yang aku sendiri tak tahu nak khabarkan macam mana.

Tak. Aku tak rasa aku layak lagi terima "awesome!" dari sesiapa.
Mungkin takkan pernah.
Mungkin anak itu masih naif untuk menilai manusia yang lainnya,
But one thing for sure, i will try my best to deliver amanah baru ini.
Because we never know, how long we could hold on things in this world.
Ada mungkin aku tak bisa habiskan setahun penuh bersama anak anak itu.
Mungkin jugakah satu hari aku rasa lemau melayan kerenah mereka (so far, penat macam mana pun aku rasa hati aku all the time tenang melayan mereka. Alhamdulillah)?
Whatever it is, thank you Allah for giving me this opportunity. And thanks little angels, for teaching me the true meaning of life.
One day, you'll grow up into one fine lady & guy, maybe that day you might not remember who i was, but that's okay my dear sayangs. Even the thought of all of you that's going to shape the nation & ummah itself have made me very grateful. May Allah always protect all of you, in this world and the Hereafter. Amiin.

I.Wish.

Assalamualaikum.

Hello peeps! Oh well, the travelogue on India seem to be way out of date already, i think.
I shall remain it in the past, shall i? Malas dah mek nak recall the details. Maybe some of the days i'll throwback some doodles i made during the trip, no?

How is life treating you, dear love?
Having lots in mind is no joke, Bobo!
Be it happy thoughts, combined with those of heart-racing, heart-breaking seconds, they sure messing up the space. *haihh*

Whatever it is, i do hope i could hold on to what is dear to me.
Those painful past can now make their way into the black hole.
I'm giving & saving more space for new memories & experience.
Even though there are a few things more painful might surface, i'll leave that to Him as He Knows better.

I wish, that the future is brighter than yesterday.
I wish, that the storm will end with a rainbow.
I wish, that the rain will wash the pain away.
I wish, that there's no more sorrow.
I wish, that their smile and their worries fade away.
I wish, that her pain will subside and she is back into the way she used to be.
I wish, that all good things in the world, will be cherished by every single human alive.
I wish, there will never be pain in this world, just flowers & candy clouds!
In sha Allah. Amiin.