Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli Hal.
The past few months have been such a rollercoaster for me.
I know there are people who have gone through far worse. Tapi tu lah, tu cerita depa. Ni cerita I. 😆😆😆 Lah, tiber merentan kau, Paghah.
Those who know, know. Or at least, those who have seen how I've been navigating life these past few months would probably understand.
My strongest supporters, of course, have been Mr Hubs, my sister and my family. The person who witnessed my daily emotional ups and downs the most, naturally, was my other half. The girls, on the other hand, didn't really know what was going on because I tried my best to keep it from them. But deep down, I know they felt something too.
I believe I've gone through several stages of grief.
Not just over the loss of my beloved mom, but also over a few other things that I'd rather not get into.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
And somehow, I have this strong feeling that I'm finally approaching that last stage, insya-Allah.
Throughout those stages, there were only two things I kept asking Allah for in my du'a:
Tenang. Dan jawapan.
Because, honestly, the anger and depression stages were particularly consuming. They took more out of me than I realised.
And while Hubs was fighting his own battles, he somehow still managed to pull me along, making sure I didn't sink too deep into mine.
Now, I can finally breathe.
I'm slowly beginning to see some of the answers, and I've stopped fighting myself with unnecessary questions. One thing I've learnt is that some things simply don't come with immediate answers. And perhaps, some questions are better left unanswered until the right time comes.
A thought a friend once shared with me, too.
Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli Hal. All praise and thanks belong to Allah, in all circumstances.
I'm calmer now. I can even look back at some of the things I've been through and laugh about them. There was a time when I genuinely couldn't imagine ever feeling this light, breathing this freely or smiling like this again.
But ye lah, Allah tu Maha Baik.
To a better tomorrow.
I know the future doesn't promise a smooth, straight road ahead. But I've learnt that I can endure whatever comes, one day at a time.
Life, I suppose, is much like an endurance race. You don't sprint your way through everything. Sometimes you slow down, catch your breath and let things unfold. And when the time calls for it, you gather your strength and push a little harder.
For now, I'm just grateful that I get to breathe again.
Alhamdulillah.
